Can I live with this mindset...

I was going through my typical morning routine of spying on all my Facebook friends when I came along an article titled ‘Live with a positive mindset’.

At first I was interested in it so I opened it in Safari to save for a later read. However, as I went on with my day I thought about the title of the article again...live with a positive mindset....hmmmm....is that possible? Is that possible when I have HD?

I would love to wake up and tell myself, ‘Jen today will be great because we will be mindful and have a positive mindset’, but my brain doesn’t work that way. In all honesty I was shocked I even remember the title of the article hours later.

So I’m sitting here wondering why now I don’t like this title - is it that I don’t want to have a positive outlook about HD and live my life to the fullest? No, it’s that HD has taken control of my emotions and memory.

I can definitely start the morning, if I remember, with a positive affirmation or even meditation. It’s what happens after that I can’t control. I’m not going to remember that if something gets me worked up or overwhelmed to do things to get me in a positive mindset. I may remember a few days later that I should’ve done a grounding exercise or meditation - but definitely not when the HD episode happens.

It saddens me - it saddens me that I can’t remember things like I used to, I get upset when I should be happy, or that I can’t start and finish something in one sitting. Things aren’t black and white or A-Z. They are multicolored and out of order.

So while I’d like to live with a positive mindset I don’t have that luxury. HD has control of my mind and body - so I will live with pig less pressure on me and say I will do my best a living with HD and coming back from my HD episodes stronger than the last.